


Breathing Space

by SophieHatter



Series: The Space Between (series) [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Romance Novel, Angst and Romance, Bisexual Female Character, Cabin Fic, Depression, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Grief/Mourning, Post-Season/Series 10, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-28 19:10:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15713301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieHatter/pseuds/SophieHatter
Summary: After 10 years as a member of SG-1, Samantha Carter is moving on. Accepting the position of Expedition Leader of the Ancient Cityship Atlantis, Sam has six weeks to get her life on Earth sorted before travelling to the Pegasus Galaxy for the two year posting.Tendering his retirement, Jack O’Neill has finally convinced Samantha Carter to give him a chance, despite his dodgy knees, and they take a vacation to his secluded cabin in Minnesota.Still haunted by nightmares and grief, Sam tries to find her way back to stability and strength. Jack can shore her up, help her heal and will love her, unquestioningly. Sam wants more, needs more, needs to reclaim her life and career. Can she resolve her grief, come to terms with lost love and move forward?





	1. Day 7: The Lake

**Day 7: The Lake**

Tapping impatient fingers on the counter top, Jack waited for the kettle to finish boiling. The coffee maker wasn’t ready yet, either, but he could wait for coffee. Sam needed something this morning, something that said, _Hey kiddo, I love you_ but not such a big deal that it said, _Wow, what a fucking shitty night you just had_. So tea in bed seemed like a reasonable compromise.

Finally, the kettle was nearing its apex and he looked around for something to add to the tray. Chocolate? No, not before breakfast. A banana? Definitely not, that was weird. _How are you feeling? Here’s a banana_. Way too weird. And suggestive. Eww, now he had that image in his head. Too early in the day for that.

With a mutter Jack realised that toast would probably do it and that he should have started it already. He tossed four slices in and then impatiently waited for them to cook. Hot water into her mug, his coffee finally ready and into another. Toast toast toast. He was anxious to be there when she woke.

Like a goalie, he was ready for the toaster when it popped, snatching out the toast and slathering on butter. Balancing everything he took a deep breath and carried the tray down the hallway and peeked through the bedroom doorway. She was asleep still and he let out a sigh of relief. Carrying the tray over to the bedside table, he looked her over. Thankfully, she had been sleeping peacefully the past few hours, but he suspected that Sam would still be feeling rough when she woke. Last time, when it had been in her house, she had been off kilter all day, boundaries and emotions flimsy and fitful.

Jack settled on the edge of the mattress, purposefully rocking the bed rather than touching her. There was a bruise on his cheek, and probably a few on his ribs, from trying to wrestle her out of last night’s nightmare. They were an unnecessary reminder of Sam’s close combat abilities.

“Sam,” he called quietly to her. “Sam.”

No response.

“Carter!” Quiet, but urgent, a more familiar alarm to them both.

Even though her eyes were still closed, he could read the change in her body, a tenseness in her shoulders, a careful pattern to her breathing.

“It’s okay. We’re at my cabin,” Jack supplied.

A few breaths later and she must have agreed with his assessment. Sam’s eyes opened and Jack gave her a smile.

“Hey kiddo.”

“Breakfast in bed?” Sam wondered.

“I thought you might miss being a kept woman.”

Pushing herself up to sitting, Sam adjusted her tank top and pushed the pillow to support her back against the bed head. Rubbing at her hair, she created a mussy blonde halo for herself. Jack admired her sleepy, sexy look as he placed the tray in the centre of the bed and settled himself at her feet.

Sam was still trying to figure out what he was about. “Thanks,” she told Jack, fishing her teabag out of the mug and watching the hot drips run off it before placing it down on the tray. Jack watched her sip and tilt her head back as the hot liquid ran down her throat.

“Better?”

“Yes,” she agreed.

“Honey?” He wondered, belatedly.

Shaking her head before she sipped again, Sam replied, “No. Too sweet. This is perfect.”

“Alright,” he answered, voice soft, eyes on her, feeling awkward despite his attempts not to be.

Guessing his next question was going to be about how she felt, Sam forestalled with a question of her own. “What do you want to do, today?”

Taken by surprise, Jack ran through the possible options. “Feel like a walk? We could pack lunch and I can show you the lake.”

Picking up a piece of toast, Sam considered the suggestion. “And a swim?” She took a bite from the soft, buttery centre.

“I know the perfect spot,” Jack told her, pleased that she liked his suggestion. He took his own piece of toast. “Do you want something else for breakfast?”

Washing down her toast with another mouthful of tea, she put the dry crust back on the plate. “Eggs?” She wondered, tentative.

“You got it. Why don’t you shower while I cook?” Jack gave her an easy smile, worry still showing in his eyes.

Sam nodded and returned his smile, “Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

By mid-morning the day was warming up nicely and both Sam and Jack stripped off their over shirts, tying them around their waists. Jack guided their route to the lake, sometimes taking Sam’s hand, sometimes letting their shoulders bump as they walked side by side. Unsure how to recover the easiness of yesterday, Jack began pointing out features of the local wildlife, naming the flowers and trees and pointing to signs of local animals. Sam appreciated his attempts to find a way for them to share in the day without undue pressure on her.

The lake was cool and inviting, so when Jack dropped the back pack by the sandy shore, Sam began stripping down to her underwear and t-shirt. Jack watched her, both bemused and admiring.

“What?” She asked, grinning a little, aware of his gaze.

“What does a fine woman such as you want with an old fella like me?” Jack wondered.

“You mean aside from the hot sex?” Sam teased.

“Aside from that,” he replied.

“Well, you do have a cabin right by a rather magnificent lake.” Sam looked around, “Do I even need to be wearing anything?”

Jack kicked off his shoes and removed his socks. “Summer’s started, there might be some kids around.” He pulled off his shirt and walked over to Sam, slipping his hands around her waist and put his mouth to her ear. “We could skinny dip in the pond, if you want.”

A pleasant shiver ran down Sam’s spine. “On the to-do list, then,” Sam noted. “Race ya!” Sam called as she ran for the water and Jack laughed, following her.

When he caught up, Jack scooped Sam up and dumped her into the water. Returning the favour, Sam popped him behind the knee and they horsed around for a while until he pulled her to sit between his legs in the shallows. They sat together and watched the ripples of their play disappear, replaced by the softer rivulets of the light breeze.

Sam rested her hands on his bent knees as Jack nuzzled her hair, hands around her waist, under her shirt, hidden by the water. Despite his prediction of summer time company, they were still alone.

“I needed that,” Sam told him.

“I would think we’re getting enough exercise from other pursuits,” Jack observed, kissing her ear, casually.

“While that it is a most pleasant recreational activity, I miss being outside.”

“It is possible to combine the two,” Jack teased, his fingers creeping lower, over the waistband of her underwear, lightly caressing her mound.

Sam shook her head. “I knew you would say that, Jack O’Neill.” She swatted at his forearms. “I’m sure you could make a suggestion for a secluded location.”

“You demand a lot of your tour guide,” he noted, kissing her neck less than casually.

“If you don’t want to ...” Sam trailed off.

“I’ll probably be too tired,” Jack teased her in return, “From all the touring.”

“Darn,” she said. “I guess. I’ll have to guide myself while you rest.”

Jack pressed his lips to her neck and _mmdd_ into her skin, in the way he had discovered aroused her. “If you have no other choice ...” he whispered suggestively.

“Really?” Sam asked, rhetorically. “Noted for the future, Sir.”

Jack lightly pinched her thigh in admonishment.

Chuckling, Sam retorted, “Don’t pretend it doesn’t turn you on.”

Shrugging, Jack tightened his arms around her, pulling Sam closer to his chest. “When you say it, it would turn anyone on.”

“That’s going to make my next conversation with a superior uncomfortable,” she laughed.

Smiling, Jack commented, “But I know you’ll think of me when you say it.”

Sam sighed in mock exasperation, “Well, I will, now!”

Jack chuckled, lapsing into silence as they relaxed in the water. After a short while, he began digging around in the sand, pulling up rocks. Once he found a suitable one, he skipped it over the surface of the water.

Watching his attempts, Sam began digging for her own rock. So far, Jack had managed three skips. Sam was pleased when she managed five on the first try.

“You really are just amazing at everything,” Jack observed, digging for more rocks.

“Most things,” Sam replied, handing him a rock she thought suitable while digging for another. He skipped it successfully, and she dug around in the sand some more, distracted by her thoughts.

Feeling a shift in her mood, Jack stilled himself, leaning back on his hands, watching her bent head and shoulders. He tried to think of what to say and finally settled on, “Do you want to talk about last night?”

“No,” she replied. “But maybe I should, anyway.”

Jack held his position, letting her think, her face turned away from him. Sam turned over her memories of the nightmare, trying to find a thread that she could tug, to begin unravelling the story for Jack.

Attempting to break the ice for her, Jack said, “You were calling out for Janet.”

Sam”s head jerked up, her spine stiffened. “I did?”

Jack nodded, although she couldn’t see. “You did. Was it - the nightmare - about losing her?”

Holding herself stiffly, Sam chewed on her bottom lip. Jack wondered that she may have forgotten to answer, when she finally said, “Yes. It was the worst day of my life. I thought I’d lost both of you.”

Jack observed the tilt of Sam’s head, the way she pointed her chin upwards, and thought that she was trying not to cry. He wanted to touch her, but was afraid to jolt her train of thought. Instead, he kept his knees close to her thighs, cradling her.

“I felt so guilty, afterwards. I was so relieved that you were ok. And it felt like I had chosen you over her. That she died because of that.”

Jack knew she was crying now. He pulled himself up to sitting, resting his forearms on his knees, not touching her anywhere new, but surrounding her nonetheless.

“I know, logically, that she just died because it happened. I wasn’t even there when she was shot ...” Sam trails off, swallowing hard. “But I wasn’t even there when she was shot.”

“You were where you were told to be,” Jack said gently.

Sam nodded. “I know. There’s more to it, though.” She looked down to the surface of the water, making ripples with a fingertip.

“To what?” Jack asked.

“To that day, to losing her. We had a ... fight. A few days earlier. I didn’t get to ...” her sentence ending with a gasp and her shoulders shook.

Touching her shoulder, Jack softly told her, “She loved you, Sam. She wouldn’t want you to feel bad about that.”

“I know, Jack,” Sam said, harsher than she intended. She put her hand on his knee and squeezed, hoping he would understand. “It’s ... complicated,” she finally said.

“Explain it to me,” Jack offered.

“I can’t,” Sam shook her head. “Not everything.”

Jack slid his arm from her shoulder to her upper arm, stroking soothingly. “You don’t have to, but I’m here if you want to.”

Sam nodded and put her hand over his, resting her cheek on his fingers.

He gave her time to regroup, and then suggested, “There might be parts you can tell me.”

Agreeing with him, she took a deep breath. “You know some of it, for sure. You know because you’ve seen her will.”

“Cassie,” Jack observed. They had both been named as Cassie’s guardians, in the event of Janet’s death. They also jointly managed Cassie’s trust fund, and Sam had been the executor of Janet’s will.

“Cassie,” Sam agreed. “It wasn’t just because we were the ones that found her and brought her here, to Earth. Janet and I also had an agreement.”

Jack thought back to the night Sam had asked him about having kids, the night she had told him Janet was helping her plan her future before she died. He got an inkling of what Sam might be saying. “If you were to have kids, Janet would have done the same, for you?”

The tightness in her voice told Jack how hard it was for her to keep on talking. “Yes. And a bit more, than that. I knew, having kids as a single mum, that my work would be hard for a kid. So we were planning,” Sam took a deep breath. “We were planning to co-parent.”

“Raise Cassie and your kids, together?” Jack asked. Words, phrases, looks exchanged between Janet and Sam suddenly coming to mind as she spoke. Nothing blatant, but things that could have a different meaning, if you knew.

Nodding, Sam replied. “Yes. We were spending a lot of time together, anyhow. I’ve always felt a special bond with Cass. You know,” she told Jack.

“I know,” he confirmed. “It makes sense, actually,” Jack told her. “And maybe a bit simpler, for you, given what was going on, or not going on, between us.”

Sam snorted, “Oh yeah.” They fell into silence again.

Jack ran the conversation from their first night sleeping together back through his mind. What had happened after dinner in the diner eclipsed that conversation, but now he was recalling some of the things Sam had said and reexamining them in the light of what she had just told him.

“But then, Pete?” Jack wondered aloud, trying to figure out why that would have upset Janet. “Your plans changed?”

“They did, at least, I asked her to wait, while I gave things with Pete time to work out.” Sam fell silent again. “I should never have ...”

Jack waited for her to go on, fingers stroking her upper arm.

“We fought,” Sam finally said.

“You and Pete?” Jack asked, confused.

“Janet and I. About Pete. And, and about you.” She ducked her head, like she always did, when she was admitting a mistake and she didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. “And then, two days later, she was killed.”

Jack shifted closer, his stomach pressing into her lower back, his fingers still gentle on her biceps. “She would forgive you, Sam. You have to believe that.”

Sam nodded and softly, painfully, whispered. “I know.”

Not sure what to say next, Jack dug around for something to say. “What were you arguing about? About Pete and me?” He cringed a little, would she think him vain to ask?

Sam snorted and shook her head. “She was so, fucking, goddamned right.”

“About?” Jack prompted.

“Pete. And you. She said I was settling, that I should go on waiting. That she and I could do the kid thing together, until ...” Sam sucked down air, trying to loosen the knot in her throat. “Until you and I could.”

Jack slid his hand up to her shoulder and squeezed. “It must have been hard to wait, without knowing when we could have a life together.” Jack tried to grant her his understanding, even though it hurt to know she had suffered pain because of the distance their roles dictated.

“Or if,” Sam noted. “Remember that we hadn’t had our talk, then. I ...” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Jack. But I didn’t know, for sure, that there was anything to wait for. And there was a time there, where I thought that I was simply denying myself the chance to be happy because I wouldn’t let go.”

Jack nodded, squeezing her shoulder. “I know. I wish I had done more, sooner. I thought that you would realise that you could do a whole lot better and would move on. I mean, it hurt a lot, but I just wanted you to be happy.”

“That’s why it was so stupid.”

“What was stupid?”

“Settling for Pete. I was happy, Jack. I had SG-1, and we did have something. It was enough, for the time being. And I had plans, with Janet, that wouldn’t hold me back from the personal things that I also wanted.” Sam gave a short, ironic laugh. “She even said I should ask you to donate a sample, if I was worried that you wouldn’t accept any children as your own, later.”

“Jesus,” Jack shook his head. “Did you two always have my life planned for me?”

For the first time since they started discussing Janet, Sam turned to look at Jack. “She had faith in you, in us. That it would work out in the end. She was right, yes?” Sam looked at him, fear in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Jack nodded. “I just hadn’t realised that you, and Janet, had so much ... planned.”

“That wasn’t the half of it, Jack.” Sam had turned back to looking out over the lake. “Just think, for a moment. Both of us Majors, both top of our respective departments, within the Airforce. You don’t think we got there without meticulous planning and deeply considered decisions, do you?” Her tone told him that she already knew he understood, or understood enough. “I was one of the first female combat pilots, I was chief scientist for Project Giza at 26. That didn’t happen by accident.”

“No,” Jack agreed, sliding his hand down and settling it against her stomach again.

“I didn’t have a man, a husband, to share that decision making process with. My father ... wasn’t someone I could turn to before Selmak and after, he wasn’t here most of the time. And he didn’t really understand what it was like for the women of our generation. Janet did. She was my ...” Sam trailed off.

Jack cocked his head, “She was what?”

Sam shook her head, setting her jaw stiffly. Jack could feel the tension increase in her body.

“Sam?” He pressed quietly.

She shook her head again. “I can’t, Jack, we could both be court-martialled. And I would be discharged.”

Jack jerked his head in surprise. Star officer, rule abiding, pristine record Samantha Carter could be court-martialled. Casting his mind back over her career, he could think of no reason for such a concern. And no reason for such a concern to involve him. Sure, the opposite was true, for more than one incident, but not with Colonel Samantha Carter as the instigator.

Then it came to him. There was one possible thing, something that might pertain to her and Janet, or might even just be perceived to pertain to them.

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” he said, out loud.

Sam shuddered and Jack felt her hot tears fall on his arm. He leaned into her, wrapping both arms around her tightly, pressing his chest against her back, his cheek against her hair, offering her all the comfort he had to give. The tears ran unabated for a while and then Sam began shaking.

“C’mon,” Jack said, getting to his feet. “Let’s get dry.” He offered Sam his hand and she took it, pulling herself up. Jack kept a hold of her as they waded towards the beach. He spread out both of their over shirts on the sand and sat down on one, Sam taking the other. Digging in his back pack for an orange, Jack peeled it and offered her segments, letting her eat most of it before saying anything again.

“I knew,” Jack started, “I knew you were bi, Sam. You told me that you had dated women, when we had our talk.” He wished for a better euphemism. “Why would you think I would report you, or Janet, especially now?”

“Fear.” Sam kept her gaze out on the surface of the lake. “You might be jealous, or disgusted. It’s not rational. I don’t think those things of you. Not really.”

She finally turned to look at him. “But as bad as it would have been for you and I to have an affair, it would have just been humiliating. It was unlikely to get us discharged. End the advancement of our careers, lead to reassignment, sure. But COs have been having affairs with subordinates for as long as the Airforce has existed. But to be gay, or lesbian or bi - that is far, far worse. And two women, the two most senior ranking women in the SGC - it would be bad for us, but also for the program, for every single woman involved in the program and even those elsewhere. The women Janet and I worked with at Peterson, the Academy ...”

Jack swallowed and nodded. The way the Airforce treated women shamed him. The way it treated LGBTI people made him want to scream and yell and curse. “I’ve protected people in my command before, Sam ...” he reminded her.

“But I didn’t want to put you in that position for me, for Janet. There’s been enough looking the other way when it comes to you and I.”

Sighing, he saw her point. Didn’t agree that it should be that way, but accepted that it had been. Taking another orange, he quietly said, “Tell me about the two of you, Sam. Tell me about her.”

Sam looked at him, trying to work out what he wanted to hear. Was it voyuerism or was it something else he wanted to know? She assessed the look on his face, his eyes soft, looking directly into her own. No, it wasn’t sordid. He just wanted to know more of her, more of Janet.

As she talked, hesitant at first, Jack got the rest of their lunch out and kept handing her things to eat, or drink, as she told him about Janet, about her. It was the first time she had told anyone. She intended for Cassie to know, at some point, but she’d never told their story from start to finish, before.


	2. Hathor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, definitely pie!” Janet agreed. “I saw the most delicious cherry pie on the way in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rather than timeline the Sam and Janet memories, chapter title will match the nearest episode title. Sorry to bring Hathor up, I promise it won’t hurt too much.

**Hathor**

“I wish we’d done this sooner. I’ve barely had the chance to get to know you.” Sam slipped into the booth across from Janet, setting down their glasses of wine.

Janet nodded her thanks, picking up her glass and smiling at Sam. “Oh, come on Sam. General Hammond won’t reprimand you for this. You saved the whole SGC.”

Sam looked around to see if anyone was close by, but it was late on a weeknight and O’Malley’s was mostly empty. Sipping the wine, Sam closed her eyes for a moment, resting her head against the cushion. “I’ve never had to nearly shoot a superior officer, before.”

“Bet you’ve been tempted once or twice, though.” Janet winked at Sam’s surprised expression and then they both laughed.

“You are wicked,” Sam declared, “Why haven’t we had drinks, before?”

“That’s a very good question. Let’s put it down to poor scheduling. Although,” Janet shrugged, “Some people find it weird socialising with their doctor.” She looked at Sam, the question in her expression.

“If you were a man, maybe,” Sam shrugged. “But then I don’t even dare look at a guy too long. Just a casual _hello_ gives guys ideas.”

“Hell, all you have to do is breathe, for some.” Janet leaned closer to Sam, “That’s when I get the big needles out,” she whispered, conspiratorially.

Sam laughed and waved a hand to the waitress who was carrying their meals. “Totally wicked,” she told Janet.

“Oh honey, you don’t know the half of it,” Janet grinned, eyes flashing at Sam over the rim of her wine glass as she drank.

Those eyes caused a shiver to run down Sam’s spine and she forced herself to look away as the waitress laid their plates down on the table. They thanked the middle aged woman before settling into their meal. Groaning at the first bite of steak, Sam swallowed and told Janet. “Definitely beats commissary pasta bake.”

“I told you,” Janet responded. “After today, we deserved something a whole lot better than commissary chow.”

“Maybe even pie,” Sam contemplated.

“Oh, definitely pie!” Janet agreed. “I saw the most delicious cherry pie on the way in.”

Sam carefully glanced up from her plate, wondering if Janet was flirting with her. Forcing her eyes back down, Sam reminded herself not to read anything into Janet’s effusive southern style. “The lemon meringue is always good,” she suggested.

“Nice peaks?” Janet wondered and then laughed as Sam blushed at the double entendre. “I’m sorry. I’ll try and behave myself. Doctors and body humour. It’s a bad habit of mine.”

Sam bit her lip, trying to suppress her blush. It did seem like the petite doctor was flirting with her and she found it refreshing in the context of the hyper masculine world she inhabited most of the time. “No, I like it,” Sam told her. “It’s a nice change from fart jokes and crude hand gestures.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” Janet told her.

“Do what?”

“Go out in the field with the guys all the time.”

“You get used to it,” Sam said, reflexively. Then she considered that Janet had the potential to be a friend. “Although the SG-1 guys are not your usual male types.”

Janet mixed her mashed potatoes with the left over sauce and juices from her steak. “No, I suppose that they aren’t. Was that why General Hammond put you on their team?”

Sam shook her head as she swallowed. “Colonel O’Neill made the final call. He tried to get me kicked off, at first. Have you heard the story of when we met?” Janet shook her head, so Sam launched into the tale of her first encounter with Doctor Jackson and Colonel O’Neill in the briefing room.

Finding herself blushing as she repeated her now infamous “Reproductive organs on the inside” speech, Sam was relieved that the punchline to her story had Janet laughing so hard that she couldn’t breathe. It made her glad to have accepted Janet’s suggestion for a late meal, it would be nice to have a female friend, again.

Sam put her knife and fork together on her plate and pushed it away. “He seemed like a total ass, that first day.”

“You don’t think so any more?” Janet wondered, also tidying up her plate and utensils.

Sam shook her head, eyes lowered to her glass. “No. He doesn’t like being told what to do - I know, a strange trait in an Airforce Officer - but he’s been pretty much a gentleman since then.”

“You like him?” Janet wondered, turning her wineglass with her fingertips.

“I do,” Sam acknowledged. Then realising how that might be construed, she clarified. “I respect him. And trust him. Which is all you can ask for, really,” Sam added.

Janet lifted her glass to her lips as the waitress came to retrieve their empty plates. Both women ordered pie and then Janet continued. “And the other guys?”

“Daniel is a sweetheart,” Sam declared. “A complete klutz, but the breadth of his knowledge is invaluable. Thank goodness we have Teal’c to balance out the team.”

“Daniel has a real talent for trouble.” Janet thinks for a moment and then asks, “Did you ever meet his wife?”

“I only knew her for a few hours before she was taken. But from all Daniel has told me about her she is an interesting and intelligent woman. Much of the context and history of ... what Daniel learnt in her home town,” Sam checked to see if Janet was following her coded answer, “Comes from her and what she taught Daniel.”

Sam paused as their pie appeared. “If we find her, I will miss having him on the team.”

“If?” Janet wondered and then added, in an aside, “Want to share?” She indicated the two plates of pie.

Sam nodded and moved her plate to the centre of the table as Janet did the same. “I’m not saying that we can’t, but I honestly don’t know if we have the means to find her. We’re still new at all this.”

“But learning fast,” Janet said. When Sam looked at her, sceptically, Janet reiterated, “There are some pretty smart people pulled together for this project.” She licked her fork clean, eyes piercing Sam’s own.

Sam felt herself blushing, again. She tried a bite of Janet’s cherry pie. “Mmm, nice. Good choice,” Sam tried to redirect.

“I like to think that I have good taste,” Janet agreed.

Sam found herself having to concentrate on finishing her portion of their desert so she wouldn’t be tempted to return the flirtation. “It’s just, there’s such a big area to search. We’re only just beginning to understand the scope of it.”

“I do stop and wonder at the scale of it, every now and then,” Janet agreed. “And then we have days like today and I long for something a bit more boring.”

“Ugh,” Sam said, rubbing at her temples. “I’d forgotten about it for a while, there.”

“Sorry,” Janet apologised. “I’m sure it’s all going to be ok. And if not,” she lowered her voice, “We have the surveillance tapes.”

Janet gave the blonde captain a big grin and Sam couldn’t help but return it. Being friends with Janet Fraiser was going to make her life at the SGC so much more enjoyable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all for your comments and feedback. I wasn’t sure how much Sam/Janet people would like to see, but I felt encouraged to give it a go. 
> 
> Also, flirty Janet? She just turned up, I had no idea she was coming to this party.
> 
> As always, love to hear your comments and feedback.
> 
> \- SH <3


	3. Singularity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe she’d be better off with you,” Janet said, her words short and clipped.

**Singularity**

Sam knocked on Janet Fraiser’s front door. At 2 am. In her track pants and pyjama top. For the third time in a week.

Janet pulled the door open, her face tired and drawn, eyes haggard. She took in Sam, looking in a similar dishevelled state to herself and clutching a quilt. “I should give you a key. Who else would be at my door at 2 am?” Attempting a smile, it disappeared quickly at the sound of hysterical sobbing coming from Janet’s living room.

“I got it,” said Sam, squeezing Janet’s shoulder as she slipped past.

“Thanks for coming,” Janet whispered as Sam moved to the couch and scooped the sobbing pre teen girl into her lap.

Shutting the door, Janet flicked off the porch light and leaned against the archway to the lounge. She wrapped her arms around herself as she watched the young captain rock the dark haired child in her lap. Sam smoothed her hand over Cassie’s hair and whispered quiet, soothing words to her that Janet couldn’t make out.

Slowly, Cassie’s loud wails transitioned to softer sobs and sniffles. Sam reached for the tissues Janet now kept by the couch and helped Cassie dry her face and blow her nose. Lifting her head to look at Janet, Sam gave her a nod and a small, but reassuring smile. Janet let her shoulders relax and left the two of them on the couch while she went into the kitchen and put on the kettle.

Ten minutes later she returned with a mug of tea and another of hot chocolate to find Cassie mostly asleep, her head in Sam’s lap, with the quilt Sam had brought spread over her.

Janet handed the mug of tea to Sam and settled down in the armchair opposite her, blowing on the hot chocolate that would’ve been Cassie’s. The house was once again quiet as Sam stroked Cassie’s hair and the girl’s eyelids drifted closed. Leaning over her, Sam brushed the last tears from Cassie’s cheeks and then kissed two fingers and pressed them to her light brown hair.

When she looked up at Janet again, Sam noted how the usually poised doctor slumped in her chair.

“Maybe she’d be better off with you,” Janet said, her words short and clipped.

“No,” Sam shook her head, fingers combing through Cassie’s hair. “You’re doing fine. She’d be just as troubled with either of us.”

Janet sipped the hot chocolate, accepting the truth of Sam’s words. “I know. It’s just ...” She looked too exhausted to finish the thought.

“From single woman to single mom in the space of a week is a pretty big change. For you both,” Sam tacked on, adjusting the quilt around Cassie’s shoulders.

Janet followed Sam’s fingers as she smoothed down the quilt, her eyes studying Cassie’s face as she slept. “What’s with the quilt?”

“It’s mine - was mine,” she corrected. “My mom made it. I’m going off-world today and I thought that it might help her, if I left something behind. I won’t be here to come over if she has terrors, again.” Sam didn’t add that she had spent many months curled up under that blanket after her mother’s death. It had a lot of comfort to give.

Janet rubbed at her face, looking away. When she turned back, Sam could see the moisture rimming her eyelids. “That’s lovely, Sam. Thank you for thinking about Cassie. I’m just so overwhelmed, trying to work out how to help her,” Janet's voice trembled.

“C’mere,” Sam said, scooting Cassie along and making room on her other side. She patted the couch and held her free arm out to Janet.

Janet gave her a hopeless kind of smile, but readily moved to the couch and tucked herself into Sam’s side. Gentle fingers rubbed the doctor’s shoulder and arm and Janet closed her eyes for a few blissful minutes of comfort.

Warm and sleepy, Sam nearly kissed Janet’s hair in the same motherly way she had kissed Cassie’s a few minutes earlier. She rolled her eyes at her instincts and instead let her head fall back against the couch.

It didn’t seem like very long until Janet was shaking her shoulder and saying her name. Sam squeezed her eyes open and shut, trying to focus.

“Go crash in Cassie’s bed,” Janet told her. “Get what sleep you can before your mission.”

Sam extricated herself from under Cassie, made sure the child resettled and looked at Janet. “I’ll need to keep a change of clothes here, if this keeps up.”

With a slight shrug, Janet turned towards the hallway, switching off the living room light. “I wouldn’t say no, Sam. Thanks for all your help.”

Sam followed Janet to Cassie’s bedroom and paused in the doorway to exchange hugs. “Whatever she needs, Janet. Just let me know. And whatever you need, of course,” she tacked on.

“Thanks. Do you need a wake up call?”

“No. I’ll set my watch.” Sam paused as Janet hovered awkwardly.

“Well, night Sam.”

“Night Janet.” Sam climbed under the solar system comforter that she had bought for Cassie and was nearly instantly asleep.

 

* * *

 

Later that day Sam stopped by the infirmary on her way to the briefing room. She pressed a packet into Janet’s hands and hurriedly told her, “For Cassie.”

Janet opened the paper bag as Sam disappeared down the hallway. Inside was a cassette tape version of _Little House in the Big Woods_. Sam had slipped a note in the cover.

 _Dear Cassie,_  
_My mom used to read this with me while we snuggled under our quilt. Listen to it while I’m away and I’ll read the rest with you when I get back._  
_Hugs and kisses, Sam._

 

* * *

 

“ _Little House in the Big Woods_?” Jack asked. Their lunch was finished and both were feeling restless.

“By Laura Ingalls Wilder,” Sam supplied. At his blank look, she prompted, “ _Little House on the Prairie_? It’s the first book in the series.”

“Ahh,” Jack said. “Like the TV show.”

“Sheesh, Jack. Did you ever speak to your sisters?” Her disappointment in his childhood obvious in the set of her shoulders as she pulled on her shoes and socks.

“I was born 30 years old,” he shot back adjusting his cap and zipping up the backpack.

“Oh, so you’re regressing instead of maturing?” Sam teased. “Like Mork?”

“Now that’s a good show,” Jack said enthusiastically.

Sam let out a weary sigh and got to her feet, pulling on shorts over her now dry underwear. “C’mon, Mork. Better get home for your bottle and nap time.”

Reaching for his shoes and socks, Jack started pulling them on as he looked up at her with a cheeky grin that told Sam what he was going to say. “I’m more of a breast man.”

“Oh, good grief,” Sam said, faking frustration as she turned towards the trail. “Well, come on, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mork is a reference to the Robin Williams sitcom _Mork and Mindy_. Kind of an early _Third Rock From the Sun_. They don’t make TV like that anymore. 
> 
> As always, feedback and comments loved and appreciated. 
> 
> \- SH <3


	4. Day 7: Lost in the Cold and Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was clear to him that he should let Sam complete whatever project she had in mind.

**Day 7: Lost in the Cold and Dark**

Sam led them around the lake to the trailhead, scanning the tree line like they were off-world. Keeping an eye on her six, Jack let her set the pace as they climbed the hill back towards the cabin. Something had changed in the half a mile to the track, but he couldn’t figure out what. He recognised her problem solving stride - think, scan, calculate - on a repeating loop.

The lake was out of view when Sam stopped abruptly and took Jack’s hand. “Sorry,” she murmured, turning back to the trail, now walking beside him. A glance behind them made her realise that she’d been striking out like they were on a mission to somewhere, instead of a vacation.

Squeezing her hand, Jack looked at Sam from the corner of his eye. He was unsurprised to recognise the set of her mouth and the way her tongue brushed over her bottom lip.

“Whatcha thinking?”

Sam had been expecting his question. Her eyes dropped to the trail at her feet before she answered. “Do you remember the dog you gave Cass, before we found the Antarctic gate?”

Rubbing his thumb over the back of Sam’s hand, Jack smiled. “I do.”

“Janet was furious with you for a while. The last thing she needed at the time was another new family member to take care of.” Sam could easily recall the rather colourful names that Janet had called him.

“But it was what Cassie needed,” Jack recalled. “I remember regretting not thinking of it earlier. It was your fault I did, though.” He still felt a little defensive about it. Janet had used some of those names to his face.

“My fault? How come?” Sam wondered.

The corner of Jack’s mouth turned up as he spoke. “When we were on - whatever that planet was - you told us about Cass’ night terrors. And you looked so worried about being away from her that I realised she needed a dog.”

“I think it irked Janet even more that you turned out to be right. Bozo really helped her to settle in.” Sam’s pace slowed a little, her strides more relaxed.

Jack laughed, the sharp retort bouncing off the trees around them. “I forgot that she called him that. Where did she get that name from?”

Sam bumped her shoulder into his. “You, of course. Cass heard you calling Daniel a bozo and she liked how it sounded.”

“Well at least she didn’t call it Space Monkey.”

Sam laughed, this time. “I don’t think either Janet or Daniel would have forgiven you for that.”

Despite the laughter, Sam lapsed back into her thoughts and they walked the last ten minutes in silence. As the cabin came in to sight, she gripped Jack’s hand tighter and moved closer to him, holding his elbow, only letting go to kick off her shoes.

Jack sat on the bench to remove his. He could feel Sam’s anxiety as she waited for him, leaning on the door handle. The shoes she had been wearing were lying haphazardly by his feet.

“Hey.” Jack reached out to her, intending to pull her into his lap. Instead, she tugged on his hand, urged him to his feet and towed him to the bedroom. He got what it was that she wanted, but this Sam left him feeling adrift, he didn’t know what her destination was.

He was about to ask her when she put a finger to his lips. Sam undressed efficiently and with a nod and sweep of her eyes, told him he should do the same.

Once their clothes were on the floor, she led Jack to the edge of the bed and turned. Clasping his face between her hands, she titled his mouth to hers, lips firm in a closed kiss. Jack reached for her waist, sliding his hands to her hips, hesitating. As always, her warmth and smell stirred him but her signs of arousal were muted, almost non-existent.

Then Sam’s hands slid up into his hair, pressing into his scalp and holding him firmly to her mouth as her lips slowly parted. Searching for what it was she wanted, Jack swept her lips with his tongue and she returned the light touch. At her response, his hands glided down to cup her bottom, pulling her closer, her breasts brushing his chest. Feeling on safer ground, Jack stepped towards the bed and began to lift her on to the mattress.

A hand on his chest made him stop and Sam pulled back. Jack titled his head and went to speak. Again, her finger stilled his lips.

“Lie down,” Sam told him, the closest she had ever come to giving him an order. His erection had been slow to build, reflecting his uncertainty, but her tone pulled him to attention. Keeping his eyes on her, he slid backwards across the bed, coming to rest on the pillows.

The look on Sam’s face was new to him, in bed, at least. It reminded him of something that had happened on a mission, but he couldn’t recall the circumstances or the planet. She approached the bottom of the bed with intent and purpose, placing her hands on his ankles. That began a systematic journey up his legs, fingers stroking and caressing, lingering where he gasped at her touch and kissing where she found a scar or a blemish.

As her hands and mouth moved higher, Jack found himself having to take long breaths to hold himself back. It was clear to him that he should let Sam complete whatever project she had in mind, but it was strain for his body and mind to remain still.

Fingers trailed over the hollows at his hips and Sam bypassed his groin as she crawled up on to the mattress. He had been holding on, expecting her to put her warm hands or wet mouth on him and as she skimmed past, he had to reassess his pacing strategy. When she looked up at him, after kissing his lower stomach, he couldn’t help but moan. She was warm over him, her breasts hanging down tipped with pert, darkened nipples. Hands that longed to cup her, feel their weight, instead dug into the sheets, restrained.

Sharp blue eyes held Jack’s, assessed the rise and fall of his chest and rested for a moment on his lips as he licked them. Again, that look that Jack couldn’t properly place and then her hand stroked through his chest hairs, her mouth consumed one nipple, roughly laving it with the full force of her tongue. He felt teeth bite and then her fingers tweaked and pulled at the other. The assault on his flesh came out of nowhere. They had sometimes been rough, but the sharp, specific pain was new and sent a shock to Jack’s erection and his hips jerked, a trickle of pre-cum dripping on his stomach.

Sam kissed and licked, soothing the sting, running the palm of her hand over his bruised skin before tenderly kissing that nipple, too. The kisses continued to the hollow of his throat, lips pinching and releasing his skin until she reached the corner of his jaw.

The smell of her was like incense, heady and sweet. Her breath was smoke, twisting around him, bringing words to his ear.

“You can touch me, now.”

Jack’s blood flowed all in one direction and when his head cleared he found his hands still clutching the sheets. With effort, he brought them to the small of Sam’s back, pressing his palms into her skin, kneading with his fingers, dragging upwards along her spine, until he heard her first small moan. Lingering over her shoulders, he dug in with fingertips and rubbed until she moaned again, pressing her forehead into his shoulder.

“Wait,” her voice came to him and he stilled his hands. Sam reached for the bedside table and then he heard the click of a bottle cap opening.

When her hand returned, she rocked back on her knees and cupped his hard cock. Jack felt the silkiness of the lube Sam preferred and held his breath as she coated him thoroughly. The pad of her thumb swirled briefly over his head, his resulting gasp caused a ghost of a smile to touch her lips. Reaching down, she fondled his balls - another gasp, another smile - and then both hands were back by his head and she was pressing her hips tightly against his.

Trapped between their bodies, his hardness ached and throbbed. Again, she led him in a different direction and his mind was racing to catch up. Then she began to rock her hips, moving over him, and her smooth, firm stomach stroked against his head while her pubic curls brushed his shaft.

The sensation was so different that Jack found himself caught up in savouring it, the surrounding pressure, the encompassing warmth and his own hard cock pressed into his stomach.

A shift of her hips brought him back and he felt the hot, wet warmth ooze from her slit as she dragged herself against him. Her face was pressed against his, and he could decipher every sound she made: the moan when she found the right angle for her clit, the breaths that became pants as she found a rhythm that pleased her, the frustrated grunt as she slid too high and lost the head of his cock as it nearly slipped inside her. Sam resettled, finding the right place again and Jack remembered that he had hands and slid them to her bottom, grasping, helping her keep the pace even.

It was a slow way to come, but he savoured the build up, the time he had to feel her, hear her, help her. He pictured how this must look, her body pressed into his, her rear spread and exposed, both of them glistening with her hot fluids and lube. A moan escaped his lips and Sam pressed her mouth to his ear.

“Do you want me, Jack? Do you want to be inside me?”

A shiver went straight from his ear to his balls and he lost their rhythm temporarily.

“Yes,” he whispered, finding his throat dry and trying to get back in sync with Sam, wondering how it would look as he eased his cock inside her spread lips.

“Do you want to be where I’m hot?” She slid a little higher as she spoke, and he felt his tip catch against her entrance. “Where I’m wet, for you?”

It was getting harder to breathe. “Yes. Sam, please.”

“Where do you belong, Jack?” She asked him.

“Inside you,” he could feel himself beginning to strain, her talk winding him up so very tight. “Samantha. Dear god, please.” He dug his fingers into her rear, trying to press himself into her opening.

Lifting just enough to get her hand between them, Sam angled her hips and guided him home. There was an abundance of lubrication and he was immediately deep inside her, his presence making her moan.

Sam’s body weighed him down, pressing his hips into the bed. Only Jack’s grip on her behind allowed him any kind of movement inside her, but it mattered little. He held on as she kept her strokes firm, until he knew he had only a few breaths to spare. Jack tried to slide his hand between them, to try to help Sam to her orgasm, but she found his wrist and pulled his hand up beside his head, holding him in place.

“Come for me, Jack. I need to feel you.” Sam’s breath wreathed his throat like smoke, again.

“So close, Sam. Don’t stop,” Jack urged her, his legs tightening, pressing into the bed. If she stopped he might actually scream.

Blessedly, she didn’t stop but she did squeeze him until she heard the soft gasp that preceded Jack’s climax and whispered yes, over and over in his ear until his hips lifted them both from the bed and he emptied himself inside her.

Slowing, Sam came to rest, still over him, releasing his wrist and pressing her face against his, her hands sliding into his hair, grasping, holding on to him so tightly that it edged on pain.

As the delicious fog began to clear, Jack was able to make out the whisper that she repeated again and again, just at the edge of hearing. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me.”

His arms wrapped around Sam’s body, squeezing her tightly to him. Jack finally knew where she was in her head - in the freezing Antarctic cavern where she thought they both would die. “I’m here, Sam. I’m ok,” Jack answered her until she finally stilled and he felt her tears running down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’ve been working on my sex scene style. If you have any feedback or tips to share, I would love to hear them. 
> 
> \- SH <3


	5. The Serpent’s Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “To the Fraiser women!” The General proposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although no events from The Serpent’s Lair are mentioned, this chapter falls between episodes 1 and 2 of Season 2.

**Serpent’s Lair**

When Cassie had asked for balloons for her adoption party, Sam hadn’t considered exactly how she was going to get them in the back of her P1800. Evidently, the designers of the classic Volvo hadn’t considered this particular requirement, either. Sam fervently hoped that there were no security cameras in the parking lot of the party store, because she suspected the footage of her wrestling 20 helium balloons into the tiny sports car would be a winner on _Funniest Home Videos_ if they did.

The wide eyed astonishment on Cassie’s face made it worth the struggle with latex and the second element on the periodic table. Together, she and Cassie tied two to the front porch and then fixed the rest around the backyard. Sam had picked the balloons up as soon as the store opened, allowing them plenty of time to turn Janet and Cassie’s back yard into a 12 year old’s wonderland, decked out with streamers, balloons, cut out hearts and ribbons.

Bozo thought the preparations were for his entertainment and raced around the yard, trying to grab at trailing ribbons, running off with a roll of tape that Sam dropped and barking at the bobbing balloons. When the scissors disappeared and Janet spied him hiding under the garden table, chewing on the handles, Bozo found himself locked safely in his crate in the garage. Sam made a note to warn Jack not to bring the dog up when he came by after the court hearing.

Mid-morning, Janet called out for Cassandra to come and get changed for court. Sam tidied up the last stray bits and pieces from their decorating in the yard and then moved inside to do the same there. As Sam passed by Cassie’s door on her way to change she heard the girl’s sniffles and Janet’s soft voice soothing her.

When Janet came out to the kitchen ten minutes later, Sam titled her head towards Cassandra’s room.

Janet knew what Sam was asking. “It’s a big day. Our social worker warned me that her emotions would be all over the place. She’s worried that accepting me as her adoptive mom will mean she loves her birth parents less.”

“So the party is worrying her?” Sam wondered, realising how overwhelming it might be for any 12 year old, let alone one from a different planet.

“No,” Janet smiled, “She’s really excited about that. I think it might be that going to court and seeing the Judge is a bit scary. Cassie only really understands court as she’s seen it on TV, a place where bad people get put in jail.”

“Is she worried she might be taken away from you?”

Pursuing her lips, Janet nodded. “Nothing I can say will convince her that this is her forever home. Other adoptive parents tell me that it gets better with time. Hopefully, they’re right.”

Janet’s last words were so thick with vulnerability that Sam felt her eyes prick with tears. As much as for her friend as herself, Sam moved to embrace her. Janet tucked under Sam’s chin in a way that had become customary for them since rescuing Cassie and wound her arms around Sam’s waist.

Sam let her cheek rest on the doctor’s auburn hair and hugged her tightly, hoping to replenish her strength. Their friendship had grown and changed quickly in the past 10 months. Cassie coming into their lives had been a catalyst drawing them closer together, throwing up all kinds of situations and circumstances that Janet had to learn to navigate. Those early shared nights became dinners and sleepovers, collecting Cass from school when Janet was on shift, helping with homework at the dining room table and decorating Janet and Cass’s house for their adoption party.

The guys of SG-1 where there whenever asked, happy to help out with any task within their skills. Cassie’s first Earth friends were General Hammond’s granddaughters; Kayla was the same age as Cassie. The only other woman Janet could reach out to, though, was Sam, and she had become Janet’s emotional support.

In hindsight, it made a lot of sense to them both. Their ranks, the demands of an SGC career, their single woman status and their love for Cassie gave them so much in common that a deep bond had formed between them with almost no effort. When she was on-world, Sam spent at least half of her free time with Cassie and Janet. It had now become their comfortable routine, right down to Sam not even thinking twice about how she was going to get 20 helium filled balloons in her car.

Janet was about to pull away when Cassie appeared at their side.

“Me too,” Cassie asked and the two women happily opened their arms to snuggle her in their embrace. Sam kissed the top of Cassie’s head and then Janet’s. They were all close enough now that it didn’t feel strange at all.

 

* * *

 

SG-1 and General Hammond met them at the courthouse. Sam was relieved that the waiting area was filled with a celebratory atmosphere shared amongst all the families there to finalise their adoptions. The presiding Judge liked to make the process a friendly and memorable one for the children involved.

Their time before the Judge was short. General Hammond, Colonel O’Neill, Sam, Daniel and Teal’c sat in the front row of visitor’s seats while Janet and Cassandra stood before the Judge and agreed to the formal parts of the adoption. Then the Judge invited Cassie to join her up on the bench and let her bang the gavel, completing her adoption. Daniel reached for Sam’s hand and gave it a squeeze and she smoothed down the goosebumps that had formed on her arms.

Outside, they all hugged, even Teal’c, who both hugged Cassandra and knelt down to press his forehead to hers in the Jaffa way of affection.

Jack sidled up to Sam and gave her shoulder a bump. “We did good, Carter, yeah?”

It was no effort to share a smile with her CO, “We sure did, Sir.”

Sam knew that Janet had accepted the bulk of the responsibility for raising Cassie, but it warmed her to feel the sense of family in that moment. They were all just as happy as any of the other adoptive parents and extended families there that day.

For now, Cassie appeared happy and she hopped and skipped between Sam and Janet as they exited the courthouse, holding their hands. As they approached Janet’s car, Cassie turned to watch T and Daniel get in Jack’s truck and a frown formed on her face. “Aren’t they coming to our party?”

“They’re going to pick up the food for everyone, first, honey,” Janet told her. “Don’t worry, they’ll get there before the rest of our friends.”

“And Grandpa George?”

Sam was still not quite used to hearing the General referred to that way.

“He’s going to come with Kayla and Tess and their mom when they get out of school.”

“Alright,” Cass declared, “Let’s go home!”

 

* * *

 

To pace the day out, they had only invited the people closest to Cassie to court. Everyone else was due at their house mid-afternoon, which also meant that Cassie’s school friends, including Kayla and Tessa, could come by, too. The other members of SG-1 arrived not long after Cass, Sam and Janet. They went straight to the back yard and set down the trays of snacks and appetisers, Teal’c carrying four large bags of ice to fill the coolers for their drinks. Sam admired how easily they came and went from Janet and Cass’s life. There was more to family than blood.

Daniel and Jack kept Cassie distracted, helping her identify the different foods that they had picked up from the caterer. If identifying them also involved a round of taste testing, Sam and Janet looked the other way. When the topping fell off the top of one of the Colonel’s crackers and he began looking around for the four legged food disposal, Sam approached him.

“Bozo’s in the garage.”

He turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

“For his own protection,” she supplied. When Jack turned and eyed Janet, Sam quickly added, “From scissors and other party chew toys.”

“Scissors?” His expression made Sam giggle.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. You might owe Janet a new pair.”

Jack grinned and rocked back on his heels, “Thatta boy.”

“Was riling Janet with a dog your intent or just a side benefit?” Sam wondered.

Jack suppressed a grin but Sam recognised the smug look. “Cassie needed a dog,” _but if it riles up Janet, mission accomplished_ his eyes told her.

“I thought so,” Sam replied, but she smiled, too.

Not long after, their guests began to arrive. Cassie went off to greet her friends and Sam busied herself getting people to fill out paper hearts with messages of love for the newest Fraiser. It had been Janet’s idea to make a commemorative book for Cassie to keep. Sam had volunteered to look after it because, as predicted, Janet spent most of her time greeting friends and discussing the adoption process and the court hearing and deflecting questions about Cassie’s prior life.

Once everyone had arrived, General Hammond got the attention of the crowd and stood beaming on the steps of the porch as everyone quietened down. Janet and Cassie moved to stand in front of him, Janet’s arms around Cass.

The General gave a heartfelt speech that was short on details of Cass’ prior life, both out of need for security and sensitivity to Cass. He did, however, acknowledge the loving family that she had come from and the loving family that had embraced her in Colorado Springs. By the time he raised a glass, there were quite a few in the assembled crowd wiping away a stray tear or two.

“To the Fraiser women!” The General proposed and the crowd echoed his toast.

Then the music went on and the kids tore around the yard, high on various forms of sugar, soon joined by Bozo. Someone had let out the dog, Sam suspected Colonel O’Neill. She spied him sipping a beer with some of the other SGC staff and laughing as Bozo plowed through the adults’ legs, a stolen treat in his jaws and five or six kids yelling as they chased him. Definitely the Colonel. Sam was sure she’d hear Janet cursing his name later tonight after Cassie had gone to bed.

It was the last time that she remembered feeling happiness that was purely her own, untainted by the memories or feelings of another. As she drove away from Janet’s house, that night, she was unaware that when she next walked through her front door, it would be to take refuge in the sanctuary of family that the Fraiser house had become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As allways, comments and feedback are very much appreciated.
> 
> \- SH <3


	6. In the Line of Duty (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her thoughts and memories seemed like two galaxies that had smashed together. Parts of what was in her head were recognisable to her, parts of it, the Jolinar parts, were alien. Truly alien.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The subject matter of this chapter has been particularly hard to shape in a way that supports the story and doesn’t drag out. Fortunately the muse finally came back to this story, today, and we got it done.
> 
> As always, looking forward to your kudos and comments, constructive or otherwise. 
> 
> \- SH <3

**In the Line of Duty (Part 1)**

Sam lay curled on her side in her own bed. She’d shut the door so that she didn’t have to pretend to be asleep. Daniel was staying with her and his incessant need to poke and prod at her feelings was making her seethe. The way she felt, what was going on in her head, made it impossible for her to express that to him, so it left her with two options - Grade A Drill Sergeant or faking sleep. The second option was less effort, so she took it.

It also gave her time to think. Partly, she didn’t want to talk to Daniel because she didn’t know what to say. Her thoughts and memories seemed like two galaxies that had smashed together. Parts of what was in her head were recognisable to her, parts of it, the Jolinar parts, were alien. Truly alien. There were things she could recall or dreamed about that completely mystified her. If the means to understanding them was somewhere in what Jolinar had left in her, Sam had no idea how to access that knowledge at will.

Physically, she was recovered. The damage from the Ashrak’s hara’kesh had healed, the dissipation of Jolinar’s body was going well, so Janet had sent her home. The familiar, and quiet, surroundings of her apartment were welcome, but what Janet, or anyone else, couldn’t heal was her overloaded mind. Her brain now held the memories of Samantha Carter and Jolinar of Malkshur and Rosha and Nihmat and Quinta and some other hosts. At least, she guessed that was who they were in those recollections of other bodies and names that came and went. Her memories were now mixed with those of at least a half dozen other beings and she was frightened that, in all of that, she would lose herself.

It was hard to do anything else but examine her acquired memories and thoughts. She felt too unsettled to read or work or even finish a crossword. Nearly everything that she did brought to the forefront of her mind a memory or a thought or, strangest of all, an emotion. There were things that Sam could touch in her mind that felt completely real, yet she knew with certainty that they weren’t hers.

She would even smile as she recalled a fair haired man with a narrow face and a gentle expression. Sam could recall looking into his eyes, leaning close to him, feeling his lips against hers, the smoothness of his pale skin, the scars of the lashes on his back, the surge of excitement that she felt when he caressed her, undressed her, lay her down under him, his eyes flashing gold as his symbiote shared in the coupling ...

Sam shivered and tried to pat down the goosebumps on her arms. The memories were hers and not hers, she was experiencing and watching at the same time and the experience was profoundly unsettling. That she could feel arousal and love and intimacy for two beings that she had never met felt like a profound gift of trust and the deepest of violations, for her thoughts and memories were no longer her own.

Maybe she’d slept a little, while thinking of Jolinar’s lovers, because when she heard her bedroom door close, she jerked upright in bed, hands braced against the sheets.

“Sorry, honey. It’s just Janet.” Janet was standing on the inside of her closed bedroom door. “Daniel said you were asleep so I thought I’d check on you and then come back after my shift.”

Swallowing the sharp taste of copper, Sam blinked until she could adjust her focus and took a few long, deep breaths. Only then did Janet approach her, sitting at the end of the bed.

“Adrenaline response?” Janet asked, looking into Sam’s face with practiced eyes while gently taking her wrist and feeling the rapid pulse.

Sam nodded and swallowed again, trying to rid herself of the taste in her mouth. Janet passed her the glass of water from the nightstand. After three sips, Sam handed the glass back to Janet and rubbed at her forehead.

“Headache?”

“Now I do, yeah.” She winced at the sharp tone. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Janet said in her soothing doctor’s voice, “I startled you, after all.” She gently brushed Sam’s hair from her face and cupped her cheek. “Let me see your eyes, again.”

Sam winced as Janet tested her pupil response and thought mildly that it was better when Janet was not being both her friend and her doctor at the same time. If she’d only been in doctor mode, Sam would have anticipated the bright light.

“Any other headaches?” Janet asked, “Or anything else unusual?”

“Still aching a lot, but the Ibuprofen helps.”

“Fluids?”

“I’m peeing fine, thanks.”

“How many glasses a day? You need to stay hydrated.”

“Enough,” Sam responded, feeling her inner Drill Sergeant rise up. “Everything’s the same as yesterday, Janet.”

“You weren’t this jumpy yesterday.”

“I hadn’t spent three days with Daniel, yesterday,” Sam retorted with part of the truth.

“He talking too much?” Janet asked, sympathetic.

“I’m not talking enough, for his liking.”

“Mmm hmm. I’ll have a word with him. You’ve an appointment with the psychologist on Monday. Daniel needs to let the professionals do their job.” Janet quit doctoring Sam and instead took her hand. “Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

“Yeah?” Sam smiled for the first time since Janet had arrived, partly relieved that she wasn’t going to have to discuss her unsettling memories and emotions today. “Cassie up for chess?”

“Are you up for chess?”

“Yes,” Sam’s posture began to relax. “It will be nice to do something normal.”

“I’ll ask one of the guys to drive you over. Anything else you need before tomorrow?”

Sam shook her head and leaned back against the headboard. “Daniel’s keeping me well supplied,” she waved her hand at the second shelf of the nightstand which held a jumble of paperbacks, a few scientific journals and a book of cryptic crossword puzzles.

Janet spied the bottle of medication that had been hidden by the lamp. She picked up the bottle, counting the number of tablets inside. “You haven’t been taking the sleeping pills?”

“I don’t like how they make me feel in the morning.”

“Sam,” Janet breathed softly, reaching out to stroke the dark skin under Sam’s eyes with her thumb and cupping her cheek again. “You are exhausted. Take one tonight. Please.” She titled Sam’s chin upwards so that their eyes met. “For Cassie and me, ok?”

Gosh, Janet was good at pressing her patient’s buttons. Sam nodded, “Alright. But just tonight.”

“Let’s see how you feel tomorrow,” hedged Janet.

Sam closed her eyes and leaned into Janet’s hand.

Caressing her cheek, Janet slid her fingers into Sam’s hair and bent down to kiss her forehead. “See you tomorrow, beautiful.”

Sam sighed softly and her face fell into a relaxed smile. It made her insides warm when Janet flirted with her, even though it never came to anything. And Janet flirting with her was a memory from before, so she knew that the way she felt about it was her own. “See you, Jin.” Sam slid down under the sheets and pulled her pillow under her head.

Janet crossed quietly to the door and glanced back once more at the bed. Sam appeared to be settling in for a decent nap. She wondered whether Sam would remember tomorrow that she’d called Janet by Cassie’s pet name for her.

 

* * *

 

It was Colonel O’Neill who brought her dinner that night, who dragged in a chair from her office, who propped his socked feet up on her mattress while she sat against the headboard. It was O’Neill who got her to laugh, who teased her until she blushed, who let her eat all of the chicken and corn soup from the Chinese place on the corner once he’d realised that she liked it. It was O’Neill who reminded her to take her sleeping pill, who cleaned up the kitchen, who told her goodnight as he turned out the main lights and who went to sleep in her spare room.

It was relief that she felt as she drifted into sleep, that Janet must have suggested a change of nursemaid and that it had been the Colonel, who knew how to distract her and draw her out of herself and how to take care of her without fussing about it. He’d just level his eyes at her and raise an eyebrow and she’d eat the soup or take the pill just as if he’d told her to set up that tent or take first watch. Maybe, for a little while, she needed someone else to take over the functional thinking. She was glad that Janet had sent him.

 

* * *

  

Waking from a blessedly dreamless sleep, Sam slipped into the shower for a quick wash before breakfast. By the time she stepped out of the water, the delicious smells of breakfast made her stomach grumble. Dressing quickly, she padded out to the kitchen in bare feet. There she found her CO, also barefoot, dishing up eggs onto two plates.

“You don’t have coffee,” he told her, as if it were the most pressing problem in his day.

It probably was. She recalled that the first thing he did when waking off-world was stumble towards whoever had made the coffee and thrust his mug at them. Unless the person who made it was him, in which case he greeted the rest of the team with an aggravatingly chipper, _Good Morning, Campers_. That was the main reason why Daniel, who was resoundingly not a morning person, preferred to take the coffee watch.

“Sorry, Sir. I guess I’ll have to get some.” The idea that he might be at her house in the morning again sometime soon, made her blush.

“Don’t worry about it, Carter,” he told her as he dropped the pan in the sink to soak. “I’ll just have to bring my own.”

“Yes, of course, Sir, if that’s what you want.” Sam slid onto the counter stool and picked up her fork, trying not to think about what her CO might want to be doing at her house overnight. It didn’t work, a memory slid in front of her eyes, the pale faced man kissing her lips - Jolinar’s lips, she reminded herself with a growl. Not hers. Not her lover, not her fucking memory. She stabbed her breakfast with her fork, scattering bits of eggs across her plate and on to the counter.

“I didn’t think my cooking was that bad,” O’Neill deadpanned. “Everything ok?”

Sam couldn’t look at him, not until she was back in her own memories. “Yes,” she growled and then, frustrated, “No.” Putting down her fork, she scrubbed at her forehead, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

“Carter,” O’Neill called. Sam felt his long fingers wrap gently around her wrists. He turned her towards him, thumbs rubbing the backs of her hands. “Carter,” he said again, gently, “Look at me.”

Unlike last night, she resisted his soft commands. “No. Can’t.” Sam ground the heels of her palms against her eyes, trying to erase the spooling loop of memory with self-inflicted pain.

“Hey, c’mere,” the Colonel stood up and pulled Sam into his chest, her hands still at her face. One arm held her against him, the other slid into the hair at the base of her neck. O’Neill’s calloused fingers pressed into her scalp, finding the rigid muscles at the base of her skull and easing them with his touch.

“Harder.”

So softly spoken was the request that it took a moment for Jack to realise that he had actually heard her speak out loud. He stepped a little closer, his knees pressing into Sam’s, his free arm embracing her tighter and his fingers exploring and massaging wherever they found tension.

He worked her muscles in silence until he felt one arm slide up to hook over his shoulder, hanging on to his neck. Then her other arm crept around his chest, coming to rest in the centre of his back. Keeping the pressure up, he tucked her under his chin as she pressed her face into his chest.

The eggs and toast were long cold by the time he felt her grip on him release and her shoulders relax. O’Neill held the embrace until he felt her start to shift. Stepping back, he kept her in his touch, taking her hands in his as he sat back down on the stool beside her.

“Sorry,” Carter said, voice heavy, a hand gesturing towards his chest.

O’Neill looked down and saw the damp marks of her tears on his shirt. He reached for her chin and titled her face towards his. It was mottled and damp. Letting his finger drag along her jaw, he retook her spare hand. “Want to talk about it?”

Sam shook her head and he was going to drop it when her husky voice said, “But maybe I should.”

“Ok,” O’Neill said, resting his hands, holding hers, on their knees between them. “Is it Jolinar’s memories?”

Nodding, the Captain squared her shoulders before explaining. “I remember the things that Jolinar knew. But also what she experienced. And what she felt.”

Her CO nodded and rubbed his thumbs across her palms. “What’s that like?”

“It’s like they are my memories, but also like a dream, or a home movie. A dream where things aren’t quite right. A part of me knows it isn’t my own memory, but I am remembering it as if it is. And then I feel things. Anger and pain, hurt and love.” Sam choked on the last words as the tears came again. “So much pain. She lived for hundreds of years. So much pain ...” She trailed off.

The Colonel reached for a kitchen towel and handed it to her, letting her wipe at her tears and get in a few settling breaths. “Is that what you remembered, just now?”

Carter gave a short laugh and shook her head, looking away as her face grew red. “Oh. No.” Her reply sounded a little hysterical.

“What then?” He wondered, his fingers tightening around hers, hoping that the firmness that she had asked for before would comfort her again.

“She was in love. Very much in love. For more than three hundred years. With another Tok’ra. Do you have any idea how much that feels, how much it hurts, how much it diminishes everything else?”

O’Neill shook his head, “I guess that I don’t. Or couldn’t.” He bit off a quip, instead slipping forward on his stool until his knees touched hers, again. “If you want to, to try and explain ...”

In that moment, Sam remembered that this was her CO and that, whatever this was that they were doing, was probably very inappropriate.

He sensed the shift in her, felt her body tense, ready to flee. “Carter,” he said. “It’s ok.” She paused, listening. “Let’s just, for a little while, I can be Jack. And you can be Sam. And you can just talk to me.”

Lifting her eyes to his, he saw their red rims, and the tears gathering, ready to be spilled.

“Do you trust me?” He asked.

Sam’s eyes had slid sideways, looking for an escape route. As the blue orbs came back to him, she stilled, but O’Neill could still feel her fear.

“Jack. And Sam. For this morning, as long as you need.” He met her gaze and held it, concentrating on the connection between them, their hands, their knees. His fingertips that rested on her pulse point felt the fluttering of her heartbeat slow to a more even rhythm.

Finally, Sam nodded. “It’s a bit personal.”

“I’ve been married, Sam. I think I can guess at least some of what went on in a relationship of 300 years.” He was trying to make her smile, they both knew it. She did, just the corner of her mouth, but he thought of it as progress. “So tell me what a three century marriage is like.”

“It’s not, not like I remember the beginning all the way through to the end. I think I see the important things most easily.” She realised as she spoke that that must be why she saw memories with the strongest emotions, the most significance, the most consequential of Jolinar’s life. “Her last thoughts were of her mate and his host.” Her throat constricted tightly and she blinked back tears.

Jack swept his thumbs over her palms again. “That’s good,” he observed.

“Good?” Sam asked in surprise, trying to hide a sniff.

“That she remembered him, them. If her last thoughts were of pain or revenge, that might be what you remember the most.” Jack’s mind sidled away from the image of a Carter that carried pain or revenge as her primary emotion. No, she was fortunate that Jolinar had given her love as her last memory.

“I guess.” She sounded surprised and Jack let her turn the idea around in her head.

As it seemed to settle in, he added, “And if love was the most important thing to her, then maybe what she told you is true. That she was a good Goa’uld, that the Tok’ra are real.”

“Lantash,” she said suddenly.

Jack titled his head at her.

“Her mate’s name was Lantash. And Martouf was his host. Even he was over a hundred years old. The symbiote must make them live longer, even without the sarcophagus.”

As Jack listened, he saw that connecting the bits of Jolinar’s memories together made her voice lighten and her expression was the same as when she knew she was on the brink of solving a difficult problem. “The sarcophagus?” He prompted.

“The Tok’ra won’t use them. It’s bad for them, somehow.” Pausing, Sam gathered together more of the strands that she had been able to grasp. “They still live long lives, like Teal’c, the symbiote heals them continuously. But, oh.” Her hands tightened in his. “So many of them never live to the natural death of the host or the symbiote. Most Tok’ra die in action, or from wounds too severe for the symbiote to heal them.” Sam bit her bottom lip as the tears began to well again.

Jack leaned forward so his face was close to hers. “I’ve lost a lot of friends in combat, Sam. So have you.” His words were a gentle reminder that she could endure the sorrow, that she could make it through. “Never forgotten,” he whispered.

It took a few long moments, but then Sam nodded and she slid a hand out of his to wipe away budding tears. Jack was pleased when she laid her hand back in his.

“So do you think Lantash and Martouf are still alive?” He asked, trying to move past what must be haunting memories of the loss of people that she never knew.

“I think so,” her voice wobbly, “Jolinar was on a mission but when it was done, she was going to return home. Oh,” Sam suddenly exclaimed, straightening and then blushing, turning away from him.

Jack jerked back to avoid a broken nose and tightened his grip on her hands to steady them both. “What?” His voice was louder than he intended. “Sorry. What?” He repeated, quieter.

“They, umm. The night before she left, they were ...” There was no way Sam was going to look Jack in the eyes, not even if he had given her a million dollars.

“Oh,” Jack repeated. “Yeah.”

Many times he’d been that person, going on a mission, not sure when, or if, he’d make it back. Saying goodbye to his wife with his body, trying to say all the things that should be said, that needed to be said. Trying to imprint her in his mind and him in hers. There’s no way he would want to share what that was like with Sam, at least, unless ... his mind skittered away from that thought. He realised that he was blushing, too.

“I remember.” His voice soft, Jack looked down at Sam’s hands and realised that his thumbs had been caressing her silky skin. He stilled them with an act of will.

Sam swallowed, still not looking at Jack. “They’re pretty strong memories. It’s as if I’m the one in love.”

“That must be,” he paused to think about what it could even possibly be like. “Confusing,” was what he settled on.

Sam sniffed and felt she had it together enough to look at him and smile, “You can say that, again.”

Jack found himself grinning back. “Maybe lucky that you’re not seeing anyone right now. Could be hard to explain.”

She blinked at that and then shrugged. “But it might be nice to have someone to help with the ... release.”

“Really?” He chuckled, squeezing her hands.

“Oh, really,” she confessed, holding his gaze for one more bold moment and then slid back on her stool. Sam turned her hands over as she pulled away, her fingertips dragging over the skin of Jack’s forearms.

Jack breathed out carefully through his mouth, reminding himself that even if they were Jack and Sam, for the moment, they would be back to Colonel and Captain soon enough. He let his hands fall together in his lap, hiding whatever Jack might be thinking about Sam.

“I’m sorry about breakfast,” Sam said as she slid off the far side of her stool. “It smelled great.”

Jack turned into the counter, giving himself cover for a few more moments. “It’s ok. Just means that I’ll have to make you breakfast again another time.”

Sam leaned on the counter and looked at him. “Are we still Sam and Jack for a little longer?”

“Sure,” Jack replied. More conversation, more time. “What is it?”

“Would you mind if we did this again? Not breakfast, necessarily. Just, talking, Sam and Jack. I feel better, a lot better than I’ve felt since, well, maybe even before Jolinar. Would that be possible?” She resisted adding a please on the end, begging would just be stepping too far over the Jack and Sam, Colonel and Captain line.

Jack brought his hands together and thought about what to answer. He could convince the Colonel that this was part of taking care of his team, but if was being totally honest, _Jack_ liked holding Sam’s hands and _Jack_ liked the feel of Sam against his chest. It felt dangerous to say yes to Jack and Sam, and yet.

“Sure,” he smiled, holding her gaze.

When he looked at her cornflower blue eyes and thought how they had flashed gold from behind bars, he remembered the pain that the Colonel had felt then. When Dr Fraiser thought that neurosurgery, that would most likely kill her, was the only option, that despair had been the Colonel’s, too. Sam and Carter didn’t need to know that Jack and the Colonel shared the same feelings. He could do this for her, keep Sam and Carter seperate, because she needed him to. She needed all of him, if not forever, at least for now. And he liked how that felt.


	7. In the Line of Duty (Part 2 - revised)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I was really unhappy with this chapter so I have done a little rewrite, mostly for the sexy bits, just a few more lines of dialogue with Janet about Jolinar. 
> 
> Thanks to you all, lovely readers. 
> 
> \- SH <3

**In the Line of Duty (Part 2)**

The drive-thru served them breakfast on the way to Janet’s and Colonel O’Neill arranged to collect Sam on Sunday.

Sam and Cassie chatted and laughed their way through three games of chess and Sam found that it was getting easier to push the stray feelings and memories from Jolinar away. They messed around as they made lunch, Cassie telling Sam about her plans for the evening - a sleepover with two school friends.

When Janet noticed Sam hiding her yawns at the end of lunch, she insisted that her friend take a nap. Protests that Sam would miss seeing Cassie for the rest of the weekend were ignored and both girls pouted at each other as Janet hustled Sam away to sleep on her bed.

It was near dark when Janet woke her. Sam pulled herself up to sitting, rubbing at her eyes and scrubbing her fingers through her hair. Janet flopped down on the other side of the bed, leaning against the headboard.

“Cassie just got picked up for her sleepover and you had a four hour nap, sleepy head. Feeling better?”

“Mmm hmm,” Sam answered, still groggy. “No bad dreams.” She tried to smooth down her hair. Janet reached over to help.

“That’s an improvement,” Janet tucked a stray wisp behind Sam’s ear. “You’re more relaxed, too.”

Sam caught Janet’s hand, settling it in her own. “I had a really good conversation with the Colonel. Thanks for sending him over.”

“It was his idea,” Janet noted. “Daniel was getting a bit stir crazy, so O’Neill offered to give him a break. I think he’s aware of how Daniel can get.”

“For sure. He has less tolerance for Daniel being a fusspot than I do. What?” Sam caught Janet looking at her.

“I was just thinking that you seemed relaxed. Very relaxed.”

“No,” Sam told her, emphatically. “No way, Janet. He’s my CO. That’s not even possible.” Her cheeks began to burn, matching her rising anxiety.

“It’s technically possible. I should know, I’m a doctor.”

“Yes, thank you. I was aware of that fact. But no. Don’t even think it,” she let go of Janet’s hand and moved to the edge of the bed.

“Sorry, sorry,” Janet apologised. “It’s just, you know, he is pretty good looking.”

“Well then, you date him, because I don’t intend to. And, hey, you actually would be allowed to date him.” She squinted at Janet, “Why on earth would you think ...?”

“Don’t know, exactly. Just a gut feeling. Maybe it’s the way he’s so attentive to you. Or the way you check out his ass.”

Sam’s eyes went round, “Checking out his ass is not the same as dating. And he’s a good guy, he looks out for all of us. He’s done the same for Teal’c and Daniel, it’s just that I don’t get hurt as much.” She cast around for other proof that there was nothing between them, trying to pretend that Colonel O’Neill hadn’t spent nearly an hour holding her that morning.

“What?” Janet noticed the anger running out of her.

“This morning, there was a thing. Well, a few things, actually.” She cocked her head at Janet. “Nothing actually happened. Just there was a moment.” Then Sam shook her head firmly.

“Sam ...” Janet pressed her friend.

Standing up, Sam turned to face Janet. “No, Jin,” she said softly. “If I told you anything that even seemed inappropriate you would have to report it. So if I don’t tell you, we’re all safe, ok?”

Janet tried to find the easy equilibrium that they had had a few minutes earlier. “Sam, if I reported everything I’ve seen or heard, people wouldn’t talk to me. And I can’t be a good doctor if people won’t talk to me.”

“Still. I like being friends with you and I don’t want to make you have to make that choice.” Sam walked away, made it to the door and stopped, turning back. “Nothing happened, ok? We just talked. CO and 2IC. He was doing his job, looking after his team.”

Janet gave Sam a head start and then followed her into the kitchen.

Sam had taken a half bottle of white wine out of the fridge and was filling two glasses.

“Sam, I’m sorry. I was just messing about.”

“I know,” Sam said, evenly. She handed a glass to Janet, “But surely you’ve heard the rumours.”

“Yes,” Janet conceded, “But this is us, Sam.” She moved closer, stopping within reach. “I am sorry.”

Sam ran her fingers through her hair, messing it up again. “So am I. I overreacted.”

Janet reached to straighten her hair, again. Sam held her breath, trying to talk through the touch and ignore the way that Janet was fanning the flames of a spark started by Jolinar.

“I hear you’ve been under a lot of stress, lately.”

Wanting to close her eyes, but fearing the memories waiting would be worse than the lovely temptation that stood before her, she stilled Janet’s hand. “A bit,” she conceded, turning to press her lips to to the sensitive pulse point.

Her free affection made Janet smile and she brushed her fingers across Sam’s cheek before pulling away. Except that her wrist was kissed again, this time with a warm tingle of tongue, before she could pull away.

“Sam,” Janet breathed, thinking that she had drunk the wine too quickly, despite only having had a sip.

She had to show Janet that it was all ok, that she trusted her, truly. Leaning forward until her nose brushed the doctor’s, she whispered, “I just ...” and let their lips touch, warmth flowing between them.

For a moment, she had a horrible feeling of doubt. That she had misjudged the year of teasing and touching. Her stomach sank, until she felt a hand stroke her hip and Janet’s lips part in invitation. Relief and desire bubbled up and one hand fumbled with the glass and the counter, the other cupping the doctor’s neck, sliding up into her hair, drawing her close as Sam slipped into her mouth.

The moan was like a caress on her tongue and when the hand moved from hip to ass and gripped her, hard, Sam willingly leaned her body into Janet’s and delved deeper. The clink of the second glass deposited on the counter should have warned her, but she still gasped with surprise as her nipple was pinched and rolled between firm and determined fingers.

That was the point where Sam abandoned all restraint and she turned them both, pressing Janet into the counter. She met little resistance as she pushed her knee between Janet's and pressed firmly upwards. Dear god, she had never realised that they were matched so well in heights for this. Her partner realised it at the same time, rolling her hips against Sam’s thigh.

When Sam slid two fingers between them and traced the seam of Janet’s jeans, the doctor squirmed, assisting in the search until a guttural groan told Sam she had found what she was looking for. While Janet rocked, Sam felt for the hem of the petite woman’s blouse and snaked her hand between fabric and skin. When she had a handful of breast, her thumb found the nipple under fabric and began to strum and stroke.

Janet’s spreading wetness was tangible, and the small pants she made as she rocked were making Sam just as hot. Tasting the smooth skin of Janet’s neck was the final straw and she knew then that she was soaking through her underwear.

“Sam,” Janet gasped and she stilled, hand over Sam’s on her breast. “Sam,” she licked her dry lips and clasped the back of the blonde’s neck, pulling her close enough to rest their foreheads together. “What are we doing?”

Despite having one of the brightest minds of her generation, Sam couldn’t think of how to answer. Maybe it was the rushing noise in her ears. “Janet?”

“This is worse than breaking the frat regs.”

Sam met Janet’s eyes, searching them. As doubt crept in, she slowly straightened, sliding her hands to the doctor’s hips. “We can stop.”

“Do you want to?” Janet stroked Sam’s cheek.

Using a deep breath to give her mind time to catch up, Sam shook her head. “No. Do you?”

Janet smiled, but there was sadness in it, too. “No. But this is all we can have.”

“I don’t know what _this_ is, yet.”

Running her fingers through Sam’s hair, Janet attempted to straighten it. “Neither do I, honey.” When she was satisfied with her work, she cupped Sam’s chin and laid a soft kiss against her lips. “How about some food and conversation?”

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“If asking you to eat dinner with me at my dinner table is a date, then, yes.”

Sam caressed Janet’s hips with her thumbs. “What’s on the menu?” She asked.

“Well, I’ve marinated some chicken and I have the makings of a decent salad. Does that meet with your approval?”

“Dessert?” She asked hopefully as her thumbs caressed a suggestion.

“If you eat all your vegetables.” Janet kissed Sam lightly, again, and straightened as Sam stepped back. Moving until she felt the far counter behind her, Sam watched as Janet adjusted her bra and blouse.

Noticing where Sam’s eyes fell, Janet walked over to the fridge and bent down to dig through the veggie drawer. When Sam realised that she was licking her lips at the sight of Janet’s ass tightly outlined in her jeans, she resolved to look elsewhere. If there was to be any conversation over dinner, she needed to cool down a bit.

Turning away, she retrieved knife and chopping board and took the veggies that Janet passed her, beginning the salad. Sam found that if she stopped looking at Janet as she moved around the kitchen, she could keep her mind on mundane matters. It would also help her keep her fingers.

They strove to find neutral topics of conversation. Janet had the most to share, between recapping Cassie’s week and bringing Sam up to date on SGC news and gossip. Occasionally they would move past each other, exchanging casual touches, a brush of shoulders, a hand grazing a hip, but they kept it light. Sam had the salad finished as Janet took the chicken off the grill and they prepped the table with a domestic familiarity slightly out of place for a date.

Settled in to dinner, after the first mouthful, Janet looked at Sam. “So, tell me how this started,” she asked with her usual directness.

“How this started?” Sam asked. “I seem to remember that you flirted with me first, over pie.”

Janet smiled as the memory came back to her. “Mmm. Cherry, wasn’t it?”

“And lemon meringue. You made a joke about soft peaks.”

Janet nearly snorted her wine. “I did not,” she protested.

Sam raised both eyebrows at her, saying it all with her expression.

“Ok, maybe I did. It does sound like something I’d say.”

“But I think you’re asking about why now, tonight.” When Janet nodded, Sam went on. “A lot of things, many of them having to do with what’s going on in my head right now.”

“Jolinar?” Janet asked.

“Both of her and because of her. I have her memories and feelings and I keep experiencing them, over and over. What she felt, I feel, as if it were my own emotion to begin with.”

Janet nodded as she ate, encouraging Sam to continue.

“As she was dying, the last thing she thought of was her partners - a symbiote and human host. She was sorry that she wouldn’t see them again, but she also had this great peace. She was satisfied with her choices because she had this amazing relationship that literally lasted hundreds of years.”

“Wow,” Janet stared at Sam. “Just, wow.”

“I know,” Sam agreed quietly. “I know that I’ve never felt so deeply in love with someone and, yet, I feel it. I have love for this Tok’ra that I have never met. I have sorrow that they don’t know what happened to me, that they are wondering where I am. And, yet, it isn’t Sam that they are missing.” The sorrow welled up in her and she leant back in her chair.

“Oh, love,” Janet breathed softly, “Tell me what else, did they have children?”

Sam blinked away the sting of tears. “No, none. But I do remember,” and she looked down and saw her lover, Martouf, and she was naked, riding him and to Sam it felt like the ghost of a caress inside her. A soft shudder of pleasure took her and she gasped.

Janet was watching her, curious.

Sam hid her face in her hands. “Oh, dear god,” she whined, half frustration, half want.

Janet put down her fork. “You feel them?”

Sam nodded, trying to banish the memory, but she couldn’t ignore her arousal.

Leaning her chin on her elbow, Janet asked, “You were attracted to me, right, before Jolinar?”

It was hard to look up, but she did it, for Janet, “Absolutely, yes.”

“Good. And you’re ok with keeping whatever we do, whatever we have, a secret?”

“I don’t like it, but it’s necessary. I regret what I said before. That’s why I kissed you.”

Janet paused, mouth pursing. “Why you kissed me?”

“Well, one of the reasons,” Sam faltered. “I trust you and I wanted to show how much. This is worse than the frat regs and I trust you with whatever this is and I can trust you with the regs.”

“Seriously, Carter. That makes it the nerdiest kiss I’ve ever had.”

Sam blinked and then giggled. “What?”

“Only you, my love, would kiss someone with a reason that thoroughly rationalised.” Janet stood up and stopped beside Sam. “Push your chair back.”

Sam slid her chair back and Janet straddled her lap, resting her forearms on Sam’s shoulders. It reminded Sam of how wet she was, how wet they both already were. Savouring Janet’s weight, Sam encircled her with her arms, “So what does this mean?”

Janet leaned forward and sucked on Sam’s bottom lip. Once she elicited a whimper, Janet took Sam’s mouth, tongue delving deep, stroking, clear in its intent. Within moments, Sam had pushed up Janet’s blouse and raked her fingernails down the doctor’s spine. Back arching, Janet tore her lips away to curse and Sam, presented with a breast, took it in her mouth, biting the nipple through its covering.

Once Janet was writhing in her lap, Sam released her and asked, again, “So what does this mean?”

Janet pulled herself back to the conversation with a long, drawn out sigh. Her fingers drew circles on the back of Sam’s shoulders. “I was thinking that we do this, tonight. And tomorrow is tomorrow. Maybe we do this again, maybe we don’t. An oasis of relief, for us both.”

Sam’s hands found their way to Janet’s breasts and she cupped them gently. “I’d like that. Tonight is tonight.”

“As long as we’re agreed,” Janet smiled.

“Agreed. Now kiss me, again.”

Janet locked her fingers in blonde hair and gladly did as she was bidden, her tongue delving hungrily, hips rolling slowly into Sam.

Remembering the path she had been shown, Sam traced the seam of Janet’s jeans and stroked and pressed until her subject shivered.

The doctor put her mouth to Sam’s ear. “Bed, now.”

“Hang on,” Sam told her and stood up, gripping two good handfuls of ass. Janet wrapped her legs around Sam as she walked them towards the bedroom.

“Damn, girl. You’re making me wet my knickers.”

“Good,” Sam declared. “You promised me dessert.”


End file.
